Collaborative Development
A Door to Self-Healing & Opportunities
Graduate school really shook me to the core in less than one term. I had know idea what I was signing myself up for when I registered for Collaboration Development. In all honesty, it wasn’t what I expected.
During the first few weeks, I started noticing how important empathy is when my class discussions began to align. It was even more impactful when I listened to other students, my peers, in the Zoom call talk about their experiences. A lot of the discussions were therapeutic for me. I was able to see my own faults that I could work on, but I also realized, thorough other’s experience and the collected feedback, I was not a bad communicator: I’m empathetic to a fault and have expectations for others to be the same. In a perfect world, sure, we should all have empathy towards everyone, but it doesn’t work like that — life isn’t perfect and nor are we.
For a while, before grad school, I didn’t think I was a good communicator. After several failed attempts in having relationships or friendships, I assumed I was the problem. This can do weird stuff to your self-confidence, let me tell you. Eventually, I found myself pulling away, emotionally. I stopped socializing and going out. Even at my new job, weeks before COVID-19 happened, I was nice but not sociable. Just from some bad experiences and emotional exhaustion, I created a lot of boundaries, both personally and professionally, to protect myself from being vulnerable. For a while I thought nothing of it, until I had to communicate in this class.
So, I started to spend more time with myself, reacquaint myself. However, quarantine heightened the experience. By the time school came around, I realized how much my decision of being anti-social was not beneficial. In fact, it hurt me. I wasn’t confident speaking in class for a good while. I was nervous. This class really helped me gain some of the old me back, which I hope will continue to strengthen and grow. Everything about being involved really motivated me. I didn’t want to sit in the class with my camera off and not participate — anxiety and cognitive overload was one thing, but fear and insecurity was not acceptable.
The highlight for me in this class was just to be involved. It reminded me that communicating and being vulnerable is key in maintaining healthy dynamics. Everything I was being taught through emotionally unavailable people, from relationships to work environments, was wrong. It’s been a job but I have found myself unbuilding the barriers around me so I can become that vulnerable, emotionally-in-touch person again.
A lot of what has to do with life is sometimes losing yourself in moments and having to find yourself again. It’s been a learning discovery and this class has motivated me to not not communicate. Taking the chance to come forward and speak, is much more beneficial for your team or partner. But, most importantly, for soul.
